Sunday, March 3, 2013

Lately

I've been sick the last several days.  For a time I was in such pain I could barely stand up straight.  Actually it was a repeat episode of something that had happened before;  and even though it's mostly cleared up now, I suspect some underlying cause needs to be identified and resolved, or it will keep coming back.  I've decided to make an appointment to see my doctor at the soonest opportunity.  It's long overdue anyway; it's been a long time since I've been checked out.

But that's not the whole of the problem.  I think there's a spiritual component to my not being well.  The fact is, I'm depressed.  I have been, for a long time.  I keep up a front at work and with the few people I socialize with, but I've retreated so deep inward, and gotten so used to it, that now sheer inertia is keeping me there, even though there are no locks on the doors.



Inevitabilities.  Things that I exercise no control over but care about and that affect me.

Inexorabilities.  Just watching events unfold.  Wanting to be in control, but all the same, keeping back and out of the action.

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