But that's not the whole of the problem. I think there's a spiritual component to my not being well. The fact is, I'm depressed. I have been, for a long time. I keep up a front at work and with the few people I socialize with, but I've retreated so deep inward, and gotten so used to it, that now sheer inertia is keeping me there, even though there are no locks on the doors.
Inexorabilities. Just watching events unfold. Wanting to be in control, but all the same, keeping back and out of the action.