Moon Flight

"𝑆𝑒𝑒𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑐𝑎𝑛 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑛, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒𝑠"

Another card from the mysterious unknown deck

(Is it pretentious that I got it translated to Latin?^)

Just Coined Yet Another Neologism

Decomposition of organic matter produces heat.  On rare occasions compost heaps have been known to spontaneously start smoldering.  So I've come up with this:  "ROT is HOT".  

Another New Aphorism

"Respect may not always beget respect, but only respect can beget respect."

Part of my answer to a person who thought he could do no wrong on the internet.

Yet Another New Expression Coined

Having seen myself in the bathroom mirror this morning, I've come up with:  "His hair resembled a bird's nest after a windstorm".

Another New Expression Coined...

There is the wise saying:  *"He who fights and runs away, may live to fight another day".

Today I came up with something that's closely related, but perhaps with a little more Victorian-style dash(?^), and it goes:  "Vengeance is a luxury the dead cannot afford".

Imagine that line spoken by the head of a small clan that's just seen its territory overrun by a dastardly enemy, and whose people are torn between two cruel choices:  mass suicide, or being taken into brutal slavery.  I think it would be a nice fit in a novel by Dumas or Sabatini^.

IN THE REAL WORLD, COWARDICE IS SURVIVAL-ENHANCING

I suppose a more pithy, snappy version is possible for the internet age -- imagine Schwarzenegger's T-800 Terminator wisecracking "Dead humans can't shoot back" (pity that it's been reprogrammed not to kill humans).

Of course, that last version is pregnant with a different nuance.  It's gone from the heartfelt defiance of the original to a simple -- but smartly delivered -- affirmation of fact.  That crucial difference is even more glaring in this Mafioso-style version, which carries an extra layer of gloating:  "A dead man can't get even".  How about that^.

*Full quote is "He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day;  but he who is battle slain, can never rise to fight again", attributed to Oliver Goldsmith

Still Another Expression Coined

"I'd rather eat a kidney-colon-and-foreskin pie".

Two New Phrases Coined Today

#1:  "HE SQUIRMED LIKE HE HAD A PAIR OF SNAKES MATING IN HIS POCKET"

Today I was talking to someone at work, and our friend and colleague S.H. came up in the conversation.  It so happens that S.H. walks really, really fast.  He pretty much powerwalks everywhere he goes.  And I don't know what prompted me, but I found myself spontaneously saying "He charges along like he's got two angry horses inside of him".

Interesting.  I kept thinking about that sentence, and eventually it dawned on me that it's not just a single, static phrase but a general descriptive formula with animals and locations as the variable terms.  Consider the following applications:

"She couldn't have been more distracted if she had a pair of squirrels bickering under her hat";

"He snores like he's channeling two drunk elephants";

"She hustled and bustled like she'd got a pair of chihuahuas on diet pills inside of her"

And so on.

#2:  "HE LOOKS LIKE A HAIRY BOULDER NOW"

I was talking to R., another colleague, and a certain *famous actor's name came up.  This man is a veteran actor who is almost as well known around Hollywood for his strong political convictions and activist spirit as for his acting prowess.  Not to take anything away from his talent, as he is a wonderful actor, but I'm certain his very solid, formidable appearance has been a valuable asset to him in his career.  And since he's also been an actor longer than many of us have been alive, I found myself saying "He looks like a hairy boulder now".

*O.K., you've twisted my arm, it's Ed Asner

More posts like this:  #1,  #2,  #3,  #4

Another Expression Coined

'Bucket-o'-class'

as in:

"My, isn't she an absolute bucket-o'-class!"

 
Wonder what was going on in my head today to bring that on...

Another New Expression Coined

I came up with this one just now, and this time I'm jotting it down before I forget it.  Like this previous one, it's an expression of disgust and revulsion, but it's tempered with a healthy dose of self-deprecation.  I don't think it's for everyone, though.

"O.K., I'm going to go and drown myself in the toilet now -- soon as I'm done throwing up in it..."

Fairies, Neologisms, And Photographic Anomalies

I COIN A NEW PHRASE, BUT DARE NOT USE IT -- FOR FEAR OF FAIRIES

Today I was at my tax accountant's office (not that I'm rich enough to require tax dodges; far from it -- it's just that I have no head for figures and prefer to avoid the drudge work) to pick up my copies of this year's tax documents. But there was a bit of confusion initially as to just where they were; the receptionist thought the accountant was keeping them in her office, and the accountant was certain they were in the file cabinet in the reception area.

It turned out my accountant was right; they were in the file cabinet. When the matter was resolved and the receptionist apologized for the delay, I jokingly said to her that it was all right, this sort of thing happens around me all the time -- it's because "the fairies are jealous of me" as I signed page after page of legal forms. It made the receptionist smile.

I thought it was pretty witty, too. I think it would fit in nicely alongside such other folksy Celtic expressions like "Och aye" and "She had me waiting for three mortal hours" (but I don't know why Americans tend to associate fairies with the British Isles so much, since other European countries have fairies, too). But on the other hand, I don't know if I'd use it again anytime soon -- the fairies must have heard me and decided to teach me a little lesson about being properly respectful, because minutes after I had driven away from the office, the accountant lady called me on the cell phone; it turned out I had overlooked one of the documents I was supposed to sign. I had to drive back a couple of miles and take care of it. I don't know how it could have happened, as the receptionist and I both checked to make sure I didn't miss anything -- but anyway, there you are.

And to make certain I understood it was not a chance happening but a trick played on me by them, the fairies left me with a little mystery. As I was driving away (the first time) I photographed some nice noonday clouds hanging over Westwood. Below are the first two photographs from that set, taken six seconds apart (12:55:09 and 12:55:15).



Notice the two little squiggly whatsis in the second photo, low in the first quadrant. They do not appear in the first photo, nor in any of the subsequent shots. I have no idea what they could be. They don't look like bugs or floating motes of dust (apart from their appearance, bugs and dust motes are not likely to come in pairs traveling in identical trajectories; althought it's certainly not impossible in principle, I've never seen such occurrences in either real life or any spoiled shots I've seen before). Nor are they spots on the windshield or internal reflections of camera parts, since they do not appear in any other shots.  And enlarge the image and you'll see they really appear to have moved.  Anyway, they don't look like anything happening inside the car;  I think they really were "out there". For now I'm calling them UFLOs -- Unidentified Fairy-Like Objects.

Another Strangely Silly Verbal Synchronistic Event (#11)

Sometimes I talk to myself. O.K., I talk to myself A LOT. Also, sometimes I'll make up new expressions, and even whole lines of dialogue using these new idioms, and practice saying them. It's almost like I'm writing a script for my life. That probably strikes some people as a little odd, a few others as delightful, and the majority as yawn-inducing -- even I find myself dull sometimes; maybe I should consider a rewrite of my life as an action comedy or fantasy adventure... (and please, no offers to ghostwrite it as a farce or horror fantasy).

Usually, these neologisms fall somewhere within the ironic/deadpan/gross/sarcastic quadrangle. For example, the most recent one I came up with is "It's like trying to take the most attractive photo possible of somebody's stomach contents". A pretty nice one, if I do say so myself. I can totally see it being thrown out by some smart-alecky character on a TV show or something.

So anyway, just now I was watching a video journal this blogger had put up. She was talking about a concert she'd just recently attended (of the South Korean boy band Big Bang; she works as an ESL teacher in SK), and obviously she was still quite enthused, because she kept making these very animated facial expressions as she spoke. I suppose I got caught up in her enthusiasm -- because at one point I found myself spontaneously chiming in with "Ooh, oodles in my hot little hands" (go figure), rubbing my hands like a supervillain as I spoke.

That totally didn't make any kind of sense, I know; but anyway, just as I said hot, she said "...really hot, like, crazy hot..."