Monday, July 23, 2012

Two Of Me, Together In A Dark Lonely Dream


Early this morning I had a dream in which I was two characters;  a father and a (grown-up)son.  We were ready to go to sleep in our respective beds in a shared bedroom.  There were no lights in the room and it was very dark.  I, as the son, walked across the room toward my bed, picking up my robe on the way, but I was momentarily completely blind and failed to put the robe on by feel only.  It was the first time I can recall when I could not see in a dream.  I wonder if this is how people who are born blind dream?

Then vision was restored and first I saw the scene from a third point of view, then from the father's perspective.  Both of me were lying in bed in cozy darkness, but then the son talked about losing his beloved, and in a rough, despairing manner declared that he might as well drop dead, as he turned on his side to face away from the father -- he said this in Korean, using a form of the word 뒤지다 ('dwijida'), a vulgar term for 'to die'.  Then the father consoled him, speaking in English, saying that it would get better in time;  that although the hurt would never be forgotten, the pain would gradually lessen.

I lay half-awake in bed for some time, replaying the dream over and over in my mind, to make certain I would remember it later (actually, there were three more 'dreamlets' but gradually those faded from memory and only this one remained).  And while doing so I remembered the daimon photos I'd taken in recent weeks but had not yet used.  What made me think of them, I'm not certain, but it could be the loneliness the son, abandoned by his love, was experiencing; whenever I look at the daemones the prevailing mood I perceive from them is a kind of comforting, quiet calm and a lonely dignity.

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