This morning I dreamt that I was at some event at work (or in class) where the qualifying condition included writing one's name on a slip of paper. A memo pad and a number of writing tools were provided, and the other people (there were many, and they were all my friends) easily finished this task and began to leave. Try as I might though, I just could not accomplish this simple feat. Either the pens and markers provided were out of ink, or I kept screwing up the "S", the very first letter of my name. Soon I was the only one who hadn't finished, and even though the others were all kind and encouraging, I was frustrated beyond tolerance -- and that was the state I woke up in. Not quite a nightmare, but part of the way there.
It was disturbing, to say the least. Clearly the writing the name bit had to do with my sense of identity and self-worth. That I kept failing to write my own name is worrisome. One possibility is that unconsciously I feel I am not living up to my own expectations of myself. And not really so "unconsciously", either; I am the first to admit that lately I have become lazy and... less than what I feel I could be, should be, even in my own eyes. It's been causing a certain level of anxiety that I am well aware of. That the other people present were all friendly and nice to me to the end, however, seems to indicate that there is nothing in my environment that's keeping me from realizing my potential, that in fact outside conditions are optimal.
Clearly something needs to change, something I need to make happen to stimulate myself back to my former level of alertness and activity. I will have to work on this.
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